Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
