yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
