Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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