Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
