wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
