Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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