Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
