he wants to bone in the snuggie
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
