Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
