shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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