The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
