I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
you had me at cake vodka
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
