wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
