Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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