Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
