she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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