All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
