Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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