whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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