I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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