Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
