somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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