i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
