Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
