mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
