Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
