Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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