Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
