Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
