I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
