I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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