I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
