Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so let's talk penis.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
