we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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