i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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