bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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