I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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