I was born with a shot glass in my hand
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
