I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
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