I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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