I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
