guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
