How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
