his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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