i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
