Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
