Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
