dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
