fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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