i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Damn victory sex feels great
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
