giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
