Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Your penis caused this!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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