Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Will exercising make me less horny?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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