worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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