batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
