Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
The air taste purple.
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