My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
