when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Randomize
