i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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