Someone shit on the floor
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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