I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
