I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
