The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
