you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
