That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
