i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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