dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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