i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
