If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize