babies were throwing up all over the place
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
