I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
