Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
