I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
