Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
