My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
