I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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