nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
