We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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