Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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