dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
