Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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