Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
