my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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