I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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