she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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