Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
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