your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
