I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Randomize
