ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Randomize
